The holiday season for many in the northern hemisphere is sometimes fraught with sadness, sorrow, and a sense of loss. Thankfully, there is an invitation for comfort and a unique panacea of sorts… a Grief Choir.
What is a Grief Choir and how did I end up attending one?
Elizabeth Gill Lui, the thoughtful leader of Death Café at the Los Angeles Philosophical Research Society, has a mailing list. I am thankfully on it. Her interests and friendships are deep and wide from experiences as a fine arts photographer, author, educator, end-of-life doula, and more.
I read about the gathering and felt compelled to attend.
So, on December 22, at the time of the solstice (shortest and darkest day of the year, but also the birth of light), I found my way to the First Congregational Church of Los Angeles to listen to a choir. I was curious.
Here is what happened:
I arrived late, by minutes.
About 30 folks were gathered quietly on chairs in a circle.
The Resonance Collective hosts, Artistic Director Fahad Siadat and clinical psychotherapist Cynthia Siadat smiled in my direction and welcomed me warmly. Someone added a chair so I could join the circle. Lovely.
The leaders shared…they created the concept of Grief Choir out of “a desire to hold space outside a particular religious context during times of loss.” The gathering was intended as a ritual “to sit with the darkness of grief and the growing light of the community with whom it is shared.” A special event, free, to sing and heal. No experience required.
Cynthia passed around a basket with pens and white cards. She asked attendees to write three words for why they came. The cards were collected in the basket and passed around again. This time each of us picked a card from the basket. Then we read aloud from the card we picked. Many reasons were remembrances – names of persons (or pets) who had passed. Do not know for certain as do not know who wrote the names or why. Touching to listen to, especially since none of us knew each other, and a way to feel connected to the community of 30.
Below is a photo of the First Congregational Church of Los Angeles meeting room. For reasons of privacy, no photos of the gathering on the other side of the bridge table.
Fahad then introduced the East Indian wooden shruti box, akin to a harmonium, sitting on his lap.
If interested, you may read about the shruti box here:
The box has bellows. Fahad slowly opened and closed the box like an accordion. There was no melody, but a drone sound with each movement. And then Fahad would hum and guide a sound meditation. The group was invited to respond and hum with him. A call to grief if you will. The sounds defied description.
This was quite a surprise for me as I thought I had attended to listen to a choir. As it was then apparent, the choir consisted of all who attended, me included.
The humming at times took on the sound of gentle, tender, almost-wailing. Difficult to describe, intangible, something one must experience. Perhaps a bit of the ululations (zagrouta in Arabic), bouncing from lament to joy but not exactly that. Most of all, a feeling of support from others in the circle. Eyes were closed or open. Fahad and Cynthia had created a safe space. Mellow feelings at the end of the hour.
Fahad (imagine a modern-day Sufi or Rumi) has been described by the LA Times as a “fanciful and downright utopian artist and thinker”. His bio states he “explores sound as spiritual practice, creating interdisciplinary pieces as a vehicle for unveiling the mystery of our interconnected world.” An apt description.
I am pleased to have attended. Unique and memorable. For those who are in Los Angeles and interested, the next Grief Choir is scheduled for the Summer Solstice somewhere around June 20, 2025. The announcement will be made on the Resonance Collective website.
For information about the Resonance Collective and Fahad Siadat see:
For information about Cynthia Siadat see:
For more about Elizabeth Gill Lui see:
© Wendy Jane Carrel 2024
Wendy Jane Carrel, MA, is a Spanish-speaking senior care advocate from California. She has travelled Mexico (and Latin America) for several years researching health systems, senior care, and end-of-life care to connect Americans, Canadians, and Europeans with healing options for loved ones. She is a compassionate companion and palliative care liaison, legacy writer, co-founder of Café Mortality Ajijic/now Death Café Ajijic and founding member/speaker of the Beautiful Dying Expo (USA). She is a trauma-informed, gentle End-of-Life Doula (National End-of-Life Doula Alliance proficient), a speaker and published author on subjects related to senior well-being, and serves on the City of West Hollywood’s Older Adult Advisory Board. Wendy’s web site is https://www.WellnessShepherd.com
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