Death and Dying, End-of-Life Care, End-of-Life Planning, Green Burials, Home Funerals, Hospice, Los Angeles

Los Angeles Death & Dying Mavens Produce Educational Workshop June 2, 2018

Thank you fine women of the Order of the Good Death, Undertaking LA, Going with Grace, and Death Doula LA  for all that went into producing an educational seminar for colleagues and the public at Atwater Playhouse in northeast Los Angeles, June 2.
For those of us who have been attending the ill since childhood, witnessing both sudden and prolonged deaths, and advocating in our own quiet ways for natural, holistic, spiritual energy for end-of-life care (honoring the wishes of the person whose life it is before/during/after)… your fresh, energetic voices are welcome!!
It was encouraging to witness Gen X-ers moving forth with generosity, and a sense of community spirit, and a pleasure to listen to your presentations conveying authenticity and dedication.
Death & Dying Los Angeles presenters Jill Schock, Amber Carvaly, Alua Arthur
What transpired at the unusual gathering?
The engaged audience of 50 colleagues and others got to listen, meet, greet, and ask questions, based on experiences as family caregivers, hospice companions, end-of-life planners, and coordinators of arrangements for families. A few were contemplating a career devoted to end-of-life. Each person who participated has been drawn to end-of-life work through past circumstances (common among most of us).
Amber Carvaly, assisted by Susana Alba, also of UndertakingLA, demonstrates how to shroud
We met author and natural death mortician Caitlin Doughty of the Order of the Good Death and UndertakingLA; Caitlin’s associate mortician Amber Carvaly; end of life doula, end-of-life planner, and attorney Alua Arthur; and end-of-life doula Jill Schock who is also a hospice chaplain.  These ladies, age 40 or under, are passionate and powerful and demonstrate strong skills related to their work. Their goal: educate the public about green/natural alternatives and choices available at death, and, share why planning ahead can save energy, time, $$, and grief.
What pleased me most is discovering that even though the ladies make their living this way, they do not seem to be commercial.  Their focus is on giving back, and being present for the ill and their families. I also admire their ability to get the word out effectively.
They offered up-to-date information about California state laws and regulations, medical forms, home funerals, death duties, their experiences as morticians or alongside the dying, and, various options for burial, etc.
A worthwhile event and recommended for anyone interested when they host another seminar.
Wendy Jane Carrel, Senior Care and End-of-Life Planner, Mexico; Caitlin Doughty, author, founder of Order of the Good Death, and UndertakingLA
The photo above demonstrates Caitlin’s marvelous sense of fun. Her best-selling books, which I recommend, reveal her unique humor (find When Smoke Gets in Your Eyes, and, From Here to Eternity). Even though she sat in the audience during the presentation, she actively participated with the three main presenters (her colleagues), as well as the attendees.
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Aging, Death and Dying, End-of-Life Care, End-of-Life Planning, Health & Wellness, Living Abroad, Mexico, Retirement

Death Café Ajijic, Mexico; Ex-Pats and Snowbirds Talk Gently about Mortality

A group of American, Canadian, and UK ex-pats and “snowbirds” recently gathered for the first Death Café Ajijic, Mexico. There were 18 persons present at Café El Grano including an anesthesiologist, a hospice nurse, a hospice social worker, a psychiatrist, teachers, and others. There were two facilitators who work with end-of-life planning and transitions.

If the term Death Café (excuse the brash wording, I prefer Sacred Conversation or The Conversation) is new to you, you may hear it more and more.  Death Cafes or Café Mortels began with Swiss sociologist Bernard Crettaz who held over 100 such meetings in his native country until recently. In 2011, Jon Underwood, inspired by Crettaz, created Death Cafes in England (see history at http://deathcafe.com/what/  ).

These all-volunteer social events to discuss death and dying respectfully and informally (no agenda) are now held in 52 countries including Australia, Europe, Canada, the U.S., and parts of Latin America where death has sometimes, but not always, been a foreboding and scary subject.  Buddhist, Hindu, or Muslim countries, and places with indigenous populations tend to consider death a natural part of life and honor it as such more easily. Most café organizers work with end-of-life, and tend to focus on alternative, kinder, spiritual ways of departing. Note: There is a Death Café in Singapore.

“At a Death Café… our aim is to increase awareness of death to help people make the most of their (finite) lives,” states the Café web site. Most of all, the Café encourages an exchange of stories and perspectives as a way to embrace death.

What prompted a Death Café in Ajijic?

First, a number of retired ex-pats and visitors die in Mexico unexpectedly, and, they die without a health care directive and/or an end-of-life plan. There is a need for continued conversation and education.

Second, Loretta Downs, MA, has been speaking to locals at a popular venue, Open Circle (as well as at In the Heart of Awareness, the Buddhist center), about end-of-life for several years.  She flies in from Chicago every January to deliver her talks. About 300 + persons show up to listen as she encourages her audiences to become friendly with the idea of mortality and to prepare for it – think about it, and express to others what you want.  See http://www.endoflifeinspirations.com.

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Wendy Jane Carrel and Loretta Downs, End-of-Life Guides, Planners, and Educators; Co-Hosts of Death Cafe Ajijic 2018

Third, yours truly, Wendy Jane Carrel, MA, has been speaking to ex-pats around Ecuador for three years and subsequently in Mexico with the same passionate message – make friends with your demise, please make a plan.

It seemed natural for Loretta and I to team up to host a Café for Lake Chapala.

My interests had been reinforced as a result of volunteering two years at Juntos Contra el Dolor, the only 24/7 palliative care hospital and hospice in the state of Jalisco, a model for Mexico. I was given the gift of observing how painful chronic and terminal illnesses are treated, the politics of medicine, the politics of opioids, cultural difficulties related to dying, family constellations, and the difficulties of running a non-profit in a rich country (yes, rich in many resources) with little tradition of philanthropy. Most of all, I learned the concept of a “good death” requires much education and outreach in Mexico as well as at home.

Loretta’s friend Nancy Gershman, who produces Death Café NYC, gave us welcome pointers before the Ajijic meeting. We followed Nancy’s advice – small tables of 3-4 for intimate conversation, one of us (Loretta) to circulate and ensure participant exchanges were flowing, see that anyone who was recently grieving the loss of a loved one was comfortable, followed-up by an evaluation to learn what we could do better the next time.  https://www.meetup.com/Death-Cafe-New-York-City/

Cafe El Grano, nice partitions for intimate conversation
Cafe El Grano, Ajijic, Mexico – nice partitions and small tables for intimate conversation – also a most accommodating owner 😉

Because Loretta and I travel often, she is based in Chicago, and I in LA, we may not be producing other cafes until January 2019 unless another healthcare worker can pick-up in our absence.

Note: If you have not heard of Ajijic, it’s a sleepy Lake Chapala village, with a population of around 10,000, an hour south of Guadalajara. It is a popular tourist destination. Lake Chapala is home to around 20,000 full-time retirees from north-of-the border.

The DeathCafe.com web site indicates there are 9 death cafes in Mexico. I could only find one. It is located in Mexico City. See http://deathcafe.com/deathcafe/1695/ .

I have so much more to learn. I am now eager to return home to attend hospice social worker and end-of-life guide Betsy Trapasso’s Death Café LA https://www.facebook.com/deathcafelosangeles/   or Maggie Yenoki’s gathering in Pasadena https://www.facebook.com/deathcafepasadena/

References

https://www.counterpunch.org/2018/01/12/what-happens-at-a-death-cafe/   excellent overview of a Death Café gathering in Sonoma, California by Shepherd Bliss

https://www.theguardian.com/healthcare-network/2017/mar/09/death-cafe-learn-talk-dying-patients

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/acts-of-faith/wp/2017/07/10/the-founder-of-death-cafe-has-died-but-his-movement-to-accept-the-inevitable-end-of-life-will-live-on/

https://www.facebook.com/DEATH-Cafe-Singapore-402018853254286/  a unique look at what Death Café Singapore is paying attention to

https://www.prospectmagazine.co.uk/magazine/take-me-to-the-death-cafe